The Value of Human Life

Because of the increase of wickedness, 

the love of most will grow cold...

Matthew 24:12

 

My oldest brother is autistic, and lives alone (his preference, his choice) out West.  For this blog, we will call him Roger.  His birthday was this past week, so I ordered him a birthday gift (food - his favorite!), sent with a nice card, slated to arrive on Tuesday.  My other brother (living down south) also sent him a gift, but his was being delivered by Fedex on Monday.

 

Tuesday morning, I get a text message edged with panic.  When Fedex tried to deliver the package, they were told that Roger no longer lived at that apartment complex.  My southern sibling wanted to know if I knew where Roger went.  No... this was all news to me.  My brother is 69, very obese, in poor health, and his only income is a small Social Security check.  Where in the world would he go?

This is not the first time that my brother has disappeared into thin air, so I kind of know the drill.  I checked the obituaries to make sure (God forbid) that he had not died.  I called the local church, but no one answered and the answering machine was full.  I called the district office for the denomination and asked for the pastor's number, but they would not give it to me.  They promised to give my information to the pastor and he would call me.  I contacted my older cousin who lives in the same city and alerted him to the situation.  By Wednesday, I still had not heard from the pastor (more on this later), so at 7:15 p.m. that evening, I again called the church with the hope that someone would be there for prayer meeting.  To my great relief, a woman answered who turned out to be a friend of my brother's, and she let me know that he was in a nursing home.  The next day I was able to track down the actual home where Roger was a patient, and spoke to him for a few minutes.  He will be there at least until the end of April, which will give us time to figure out where he will go next.

Human life is so very, very precious.  It is also quite fragile, especially if the human in question has any kind of disability.  When I am trying to track Roger down, I always let people know at the start of the conversation that we are dealing with an autistic person, a fact that greatly impacts the process of looking for him.  I interject this at the beginning of my litany, however, because I am hoping to spark a flame of compassion for my brother's condition and predicament.  A 69-year-old person, homeless and out on the streets, is not a good situation.  If that homeless person is also autistic, the situation becomes a disaster.   

 

Everyone's life is so distracted and busy that it is difficult to get people to care much at all about a stray man in a big city.  This is the third time in as many years that I have called the church district office in Phoenix and asked to get in touch with Roger's pastor (twice to alert him to the funeral of an old friend; once because we did not know where he was)..  Three times I have been told that contact would be made.  Three times there has been complete silence on the part of the local church pastor.  How grateful I am that there are others who do care and are willing to take the time to reach out in compassion to a fellow life traveler. 

Seven Holy Virtues: Justice

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. 

And what does the LORD require of you? 

To act justly, and to love mercy, 

and to walk humbly with your God.

Micah 6:8

just  adj. 1 right or fair; equitable; impartial

2 righteous; upright; correct, true

3 well-founded, reasonable

Injustice anywhere is a threat

to justice everywhere.

~ Martin Luther King

Justice is not a complicated term.  Justice is that which is right, fair, impartial, true.  Injustice is that which is  wrong, unfair, partial, a lie.  This world is full of corruption and injustice.  Aristotle said, At his best, man is the noblest of all animals; separated from law and justice, he is the worst.

When Cain killed Abel because he was ticked off that God accepted his brother's sacrifice but not his, God sought him out and asked where Abel was.  Cain replied, "I don't know! Am I my brother's keeper?"  God's answer?  "You bet your buttons you were!  But now your brother is dead, and the blood-soaked ground cries out to Me for justice!"   Cain's need to show his superiority and authority over his brother caused him to take away Abel's rights, as well as his very life.  That same scenario plays out, hour by hour, day by day, around the world.  If I believe that the only way I can have freedom is to do what I want without regard to anyone around me, inevitably I am going to impinge on the freedoms and rights of someone else.

It seems to be a difficult task to teach this generation that you do not do what is easy, what is convenient, what is expedient, what will line your coffers, or what will spread your fame - you do what is RIGHT.  Truth and righteousness are not exactly hot commodities in our society.  But justice calls us to stand up for the underdog, the oppressed, the defenseless.  God's advice?  Act with justice, deal with mercy, and walk with humility.

Seven Holy Virtues: Fortitude

Be strong and courageous...

Deuteronomy 31:6

 

fortitude  n.  the strength and courage to bear misfortune,

pain, etc., calmly and patiently;  firm courage

How do you bear what is, for the most part, unbearable?  How do you keep going in the face of adversity and disaster?  Where does one find courage when the pain is so great that it seems to crush our very soul?

One family has had to answer all of these questions in the last several weeks.  Their young son, a twin not quite four years old, began to have increasingly severe coordination and balance issues.  A trip to the Emergency Room revealed a diagnosis that no one could have foreseen, much less been prepared for: malignant brain tumor.  Within the space of hours, their whole world turned upside-down.  Surgery to remove the growth, spinal tap for staging, and now preparation for chemotherapy and radiation.  

 

In the midst of all the fear and grief, I'm sure the question surfaced - How can I ever bear this?  The answer?  You just do.  From somewhere deep inside of yourself, you pull up reserves of strength and courage that you never knew you had.  You draw on the strength of your family and friends, the strength of your faith, and the strength that pours down from God.  In a word, you face the unimaginable with fortitude.

 

When my youngest daughter was born with severe congenital heart defects, my husband went home for a few minutes to get us a few clean clothes and some toiletries (we were "living" in the hospital waiting room).  When he returned, it took me a while to realize that he had something rather bulky stashed in a pocket of his pants.  During a particular period of intense grief and pain, he reached in the pocket and pulled out a little sleeper that someone had given us for our little girl.  Looking me in the eye, he said, "I brought this for our daughter to wear home.  We have to hang unto that belief.  We have to hold on to that strength."  We did, and she did.  

Seven Holy Virtues: Temperance

...the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, 

longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,

meekness, temperance...

Galatians 5:22-23

temperate adj. 1 moderate in indulging the appetite

not self-indulgent; abstemious, especially in the use of

alcohol;  2 moderate in one's actions and speech;

self-restrained; 3 moderate or restrained

 

I once had a female student that came into my classroom as a freshman.  She was a very pretty girl - the absolute essence of "perky."  She had an infectious smile and was the sort of person who never met a stranger.  I wish I could say that she was a joy to know, but the truth was far from that.  

She had a mouth that never stopped.  She was talking when she walked into the classroom, and had I not made it sure and certain that she would not continue to do so, she would have talked her entire way through class.  She was constantly whispering in corners, telling tall tales, gossiping about anyone and every one, finding fault, being critical - I'm sure you get the picture.  The only thing she enjoyed more than talking about other people's foibles was talking about her own greatness.  She could converse for hours (literally) about her many wonderful accomplishments, her many rewards, her many talents, and on and on and on.

Her excesses carried far beyond her incessant talking.  Anywhere there was a social event, she was in the big middle of it, trying to be the brightest and the best.  If a photo was being taken, even a serious one, she could never quite manage not to stand out in some way.  Unrestrained in eating, partying, and drinking (and we're not talking about water here), she was, and still is, the poster child for living a life of intemperance.

Temperance is the art of self-control rather than self-indulgence.  It is a hard lesson to learn for the young, and can be a life-long struggle for those who tend to be larger than life.  A life of moderation may seem boring to this generation, but life's hard knock lessons will bring home the truth that living temperately has its rewards. 

Seven Holy Virtues: Prudence

The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought

to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception.

Proverbs 14:8

prudent adj. 1 capable of exercising sound judgment in practical 

matters, especially as concerns one's own interests

2 cautious or discreet in conduct, circumspect, not rash

3 managing carefully and with economy

When I began my journey through the Seven Deadly Sins, I had no idea that there were Seven Holy Virtues on the opposite side of the equation.  The list is divided into Three Spiritual Virtues and the Four Cardinal Virtues.  I thought I would start with the cardinal (or main) virtues - the first of which is Prudence.

When I looked up the definition of  "prudent" in the dictionary, I started to laugh. It is a definitive description of my father, Clancy.  Exercising sound judgment in practical matters?  Absolutely.  Dad was a printer who managed the composing room for the city newspaper.  He always had a family budget that he adhered to without question.  If additional monies were needed for special occasions or unexpected expenses, my father would sharpen saws or re-rag a Cessna.  He used to tell me that, "Idle fingers are the devil's playground," and believe me, he was never idle.

You could confide anything to Clancy, and you knew without a shred of doubt that it would stay under his hat.  Dad would never betray a confidence, or be a party to gossip.  He was, by documentation and admission, a hellion as a younger man.  But he grew into a discreet adult, never rash - rarely, if ever, stupid.  He had very little formal education, but a wealth of common sense and practicality.

Managing carefully and with economy?  Oh, yeah.  Dad was a depression survivor, and he never forgot the lessons learned.  Every single Friday he purchased a United States Savings Bond.  On the weekends, he would go for walks that encompassed the State Fairgrounds, including the huge parking lots.  Dad would walk methodically over that asphalt - picking up aluminum cans to cash in, and pocketing anything else that looked of value.  After his death, I was cleaning out his huge desk in the family room.  I had carefully examined everything in one of the drawers, or so I thought.  As I tipped it up to dump all the dirt in the garbage can, a shiny glint of gold caught my eye.  Digging through the thick dust, I pulled out a stunning cocktail ring - 14 carat gold, with miniscule diamonds and significant deep-blue sapphires.  I'm sure he found it on one of his morning forays. It is one of my most treasured possessions.

Dad always reminded me to "take your brain out of park before putting your mouth in gear."   He raised me to be cautious in business, discreet in relationships, careful with money, and quiet with my words.  He was the best teacher a child could ever have.

Seven Deadly Sins: Greed

A greedy man brings trouble to his family...

Proverbs 15:27a

 

greedy adj. hungry.  1 wanting or taking all that one can

get, with no thought of others' needs; desiring more than

one needs or deserves; avaricious, covetous. 

In the many sources of information on the Seven Deadly Sins, both online and offline, about half of the resources believe that Pride is the over-riding sin - the "Big One," the sin from which all others arise.  Several studies make a very good case for this argument, because they believe that pride interferes with a person's ability to recognize the grace of God.

I would like to put forth a different candidate.  I believe that Greed is at the base of almost all sin:  Greed for money (the love of money is a root of all evil), greed for position, greed for fame, greed for possessions, and most of all, the greed for power.  None of us enjoys being helpless.  All of us want to be in control of our lives - our destiny.  Greed causes that desire for control to extend beyond ourselves and onto others.  We want the power to shape reality to our own desires, regardless of what anyone else wants.  

Pride might interfere with the recognition of the grace of God, but greed blots out any recognition of the position of God.  God is the Creator; we are the created - the creature.  Greed does not care for that scenario. Greed wants to be the decision maker, the dictator, the power boss.  Greed does not want to answer to anyone except itself.

God invites us, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Lay your troubles down at My feet and let me carry them. I will be your fortress, your stronghold, your hiding place."

The sin of greed says, "No thanks!  I can do it myself.  I don't trust anyone but me."

Seven Deadly Sins: Pride

Pride goes before destruction, and haughtiness before a fall.

Proverbs 16:18

There are various definitions for the word pride.  On the positive side, there is:  a reasonable or justifiable self-respect; a delight or elation arising from some act, possession, or relationship.  On the negative side, there is: inordinate self-esteem; proud or disdainful behavior or treatment; ostentatious display. Pride that is turned outward is good pride (I am so proud of my daughters!); pride that is turned completely inward can become selfishness, conceit and arrogance.

Within the context of the Seven Deadly Sins, pride is thinking that you are better than everyone else. Arrogance is overbearing, haughty, and self-important.  Arrogance sees itself as better than those around it - cleverer, smarter, wiser.  Arrogance has no problem talking behind your back or insulting you to your face. It can say whatever it wants, because you simply don't matter.  Arrogance can elevate itself to the place where it is better than God, and thus invincible.

Recently, a young woman of my acquaintance had a visit from her parents, who met her roommate for the first time.  After they left, the roommate made a searingly personal, cutting remark to the girl, based on the parents' appearance and obvious lack of wealth.  Her remark revealed far more about her own arrogance and lack of class than her opinion of total strangers.  All of us see people that we instantly form opinions about; most of us have the grace never to give those opinions voice.  It is only the arrogant that feel they have the right to say whatever they please because they are so superior.  God has a very strong opinion about how we treat those around us.  Arrogance is one of the Seven Deadly Sins because it sees no one else but itself.

Seven Deadly Sins: Wrath

But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother 

without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. 

Matthew 5:22

 

anger (an' gər) n. ME>ON distress; a feeling of displeasure 

resulting from injury, mistreatment, opposition, etc., and 

usually showing itself in a desire to fight back at the supposed

cause of this feeling.

wrath (rath, räth) n.  1.intense anger, rage, fury

2.  any action carried out in great anger, especially for

punishment or vengeance.   

Anger is a normal emotion - just like sorrow and joy.  We get "mad" about all kinds of things - someone talking smack about us, the idiot on the freeway who can't drive, the doctor who makes us sit in the waiting room for hours, the milk that was fine last night but is sour this morning, the washing machine that suddenly goes on the blink.  In many ways, anger is really frustration at being powerless.  

I have always been fascinated by this verse in Matthew that warns against being angry with a brother "without a cause."  One could assume that it is not a sin to be angry if you are angry for a just reason.

Wrath, however, is an entirely different matter.  Wrath (rage, fury) is anger on steroids.  Wrath wants to hurt something or someone.  Wrath wants to inflict pain.  Wrath wants to throw things.  Wrath is forceful, often vindictive anger.  Wrath nurses a grudge and demands revenge.  Wrath is anger and hate combined into a towering inferno of rage.  Anger can be irritating.  Wrath is frightening and dangerous.

King Solomon said,  "Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming..."    When something or someone has made us angry, it is better to acknowledge it and deal with it at the time of the offense, rather than allow it to slowly simmer on the back burner until it reaches the boiling point of hatred and wrath. 

Seven Deadly Sins: Lust

When you pray for things, you don't get them 

because you want them for the wrong reason -

for your own lusts (pleasure).

James 4:3

 

Lust is defined as:  An intense or obsessive desire, especially one that is sexual.  Notice that lust is not just sexual craving.  We humans lust for many things, including power and privilege.  The Seven Deadly Sins, however, seem to concentrate on the bodily aspects of lust.

Lust:  The inordinate craving for the pleasures 

of the body.

Your average college-age guy would say there is nothing at all "inordinate" about lust.  It is a normal physical reaction that demands expression.  Since God created sex and sexual desire, the sin has to be something other than the basic physical act itself.  I think that the sin of lust occurs at the point when the decision is made that this overwhelming craving can and should be fulfilled any way I please, anywhere I please, any time I please.

God created sex to be part and parcel of a relationship of love.  Lust is the antithesis of love.  Love's first concern is for the needs of the other person.  Lust's first concern is for myself - my wants, needs and desires. Love strives to act with responsibility.  Lust is blind to consequences.  Other people become ways of satisfying our needs -  mere objects to give us pleasure.  Eventually, lust views others as simply a means to an end, with the consequence of obtaining pleasure by force, if necessary.  No wonder God said, "I can't even answer your prayers, because everything you ask for is simply fuel to feed the fire of your own passions."

Seven Deadly Sins: Sloth

 

 Whatever your hands find to do, do it with all your might.

Ecclesiastes 9:10

The dictionary definition of sloth is: a disinclination to work or exert oneself; indolence, laziness, idleness.  Like the squirrel in the picture, a slothful individual would rather just hang out or hang around.  In the Seven Deadly Sins, the definition is much the same.

Sloth:  The avoidance of physical labor.

Habitual laziness.

Most of us have known someone who seemed to get by in life by doing absolutely nothing.  Every group project in college has at least one person who does their best to do avoid giving any input toward the completion of the work.  It seems like every year I have a student who cannot manage to do their homework - blaming anyone and everyone else but themselves for their complete lack of motivation.  My daughters have co-workers who avoid the planning meetings but try to take credit for the ideas generated. I would, therefore, like to offer a different definition of the mortal sin of sloth:

Sloth:  Refusing to take responsibility for your life

My father made a variety of statements regarding his children and their need to take responsibility for themselves and their destiny: 

•  If you don't do it, nobody else will.  
• No one is going to do that for you.
• What are you waiting for... a slow boat to China? 
• Never put off till tomorrow what you can do today.
• Hard work never killed anyone
• No one is going to hand it to you on a silver platter

God has not placed anyone in my life - parents, siblings, friends, co-workers - to provide me with ease and indolence by doing my work for me.  On the contrary, God suggests that I give my all to any and every task - utilizing the creativity and intelligence He has given me to forge my own path in life.   

 

Seven Deadly Sins: Gluttony

So do not worry, saying, "What shall we eat?" or "What shall

we drink?" or "What shall we wear?"  For the pagans run after

all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need

them.  But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness,

and all these things will be given to you as well.

Matthew 6:31-33

 

Our friend Webster defines gluttony as: the habit or act of eating too much.  I realize that overeating is a problem for many people, as is evidenced by the explosion of obesity in this country.  But for gluttony to be a mortal, deadly sin, I certainly felt as though there must be more to it.  Returning to the definitions for the Seven Deadly Sins on the website that I discovered, I again found the perfect description:

Gluttony:  The inordinate desire to consume more

than that which one requires.
 

Oh, yes!  That one hits me square in the face.  This is no narrow definition confined to food.  Gluttony is about consumption - of food, of sex, of material possession, of earthly resources - the overwhelming desire to take, and take, and take far more than that which meets our daily needs. 

In the language of economics, I am the "consumer."  In order for there to be a healthy economy, I am urged to go out and consume as much as I can (and as much as I want) in order for there to be a booming free market.  I often go into Target (my favorite store!) for no other reason than to "look"  - at what is on sale, what is new, what might catch my eye.  More often than I want to admit, I walk out having purchased something that I don't need, may decide I don't even want, and certainly do not have the discretionary funds for.  Why in the world do I do it?  

Because somehow there is simply never enough.  Never enough toys, ever enough shoes, never enough clothes, never enough chocolate, never enough junk food, never enough books, never enough gadgets, never enough electronics, never enough...  I could go on and on.  We are, as a human race, insatiable.  We have no clear-cut boundaries between our needs and our wants.  They all mesh together in a never-ending anthem of "Gimme, Gimme, Gimme."

  

Seven Deadly Sins: Envy

...be content with what you have, because God has said, 

"Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

Hebrews 13:5

 

Webster defines envy as ...a feeling of discontent and ill will because of another's advantages, possessions, etc.  Synonyms for envy are jealousy, discontent, and coveting - which would link this sin to the 10th commandment - Thou shalt not covet.  On a website regarding the Seven Deadly Sins, I found a definition of envy that I really like:

Envy:  the desire for other's traits, status, 

abilities or situation

This definition covers a much broader understanding of envy.  We can be envious of who other people are (character and personality traits), who they are perceived to be by others (status), what they can accomplish (abilities & talents), or what they possess (situation).  

I'm not tempted by material possessions, nor by fame and status.  Abilities and talents?  That's another matter, entirely!  I have always loved nature photography, and several years ago I was fortunate enough to be able to obtain a Canon SLR camera with a great set of lenses.  I'll admit to having stars in my eyes as I thought of all that I could do with the wonderful photographs that I would take.  I took classes locally and online, took a million photographs, placed pictures with stock photo companies (with modest sales), and even opened a shop on Etsy to sell prints.  Problem?  No sales - not even one.  I would look at other photographers' stores who were selling photographs left and right.  Mine looked just as good (or better, in some cases - at least in my eyes), and right there lies the rub.  I began to be envious of other photographer's success and the lack thereof for me, and in a snit of "discontent and ill will,"  I closed the store, put the camera away, and shut myself off from something that I really love.

Envy can make you feel ugly about someone else, but mostly, it makes you feel ugly about yourself.  Paul told the Philippians that one of the great lessons he had learned in his years of spreading the Gospel was, ...in whatever situation I am to be content.   That is the goal I have for my life  - to possess the opposite of envy:  contentment.

Seven Deadly Sins?

There are six things the LORD hates--no, seven things he detests:

 haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent,

a heart that plots evil, feet that race to do wrong,

 a false witness who pours out lies, a person who sows discord in a family.

Proverbs 6:16-19

The new Young Adult group of the church where I work have scheduled a book discussion regarding the Seven Deadly Sins.  I am well acquainted with the seven things the Lord hates (above), as listed by King Solomon in the book of Proverbs.  The traditional Seven Deadly Sins, however, I have never studied.  I could take a guess at what they might be, but I'm sure I would fall far from the mark.  Obviously, a little Internet research is in order. Essentially, this is what I found.  

The Seven Deadly Sins

Lust

Gluttony

Greed

Sloth

Wrath

Envy

Pride

I thought it might be interesting to take a look at this traditional list of mortal sins, and compare/contrast them with the seven things that God hates. I have a feeling that we will find more similarities between these two lists than meets the eye at first glance.

 

 

Tax Time!

Give to Caesar what is Caesar's,

and to God what is God's.

Mark 12:17

Due to an incorrect address on one of my W-2's (yet again this year, although I have corrected it for two years running), I am just now starting my tax return and, I'm sorry - what a headache.  My father taught me how to do my taxes when I was a teenager, and I have been doing them myself ever since.  I started with paper returns, switched to tax software for several years, then graduated to online tax preparation, including online record storage for charitable contributions, etc. 

It seems like each year I receive a new numbered tax form that has to be reported to the IRS.  Thus I have one more step to learn in my tax preparation process.  Reading through tax filing guides is not my idea of a relaxing evening, nor a particularly enjoyable experience  I supposed I could pay to have someone else do my taxes, but I'm just stubborn enough not to want to do that.  This year I am stuck on IRA's, employer retirement funds, after tax vs. before tax contributions, etc.  Fortunately, I have a friend who does tax preparation for a living, so I am going to call her this week and beg for a little advice.

The second half of Jesus' statement is of equal important to me - rendering to God what is God's.  The Federal Government (i.e., Caesar) wants three things to put in its pocket:

1. 20+% of my money to pay for its daily activities
2. A percentage of my money to fund Social Security
3. A percentage of my money to fund Medicaid 

 What exactly does God want?  Well, if I have my facts straight, God also wants three things:

1. 10% of my money - my "tithe":  Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, and prove me now, if I won't open the windows of heaven and pour out a blessing... [Malachi 3:10]
2. One seventh of my time:  ...you have six days each week for your ordinary work, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of rest dedicated to the Lord your God.  [Exodus 20:10]
3. ALL of my heart:  You shall love the Lord your God with ALL your heart, mind, soul and strength.  [Matthew 22:37]  

Oddly enough, it is easier for most people to give to Caesar what he requires than to give to God what He asks for.  Money is, well, just money.  The government asks for money - the church asks for money.  But time, talent, and the commitment of the heart?  Those are very different commodities that are not so easily rendered. 

Remember...

Remember the Sabbath day...

Exodus 20:8a

 

Unlike my parents' era, or even mine, my daughters and the 20-somethings they are surrounded with operate in a world where work defines who and what you are, and money is the all-important endgame.  Long working hours, day after day after day, insures that you are on the fast track to whatever defines success in your field of expertise.  My lawyer daughter revealed to me the other day that one of her friends as had only one day off since January 1.  He has worked seven days a week, 14+ hours a day, for over two months.  It is not uncommon for the young lawyers of my daughter's acquaintance to work until the wee hours of the morning, grab a couple hours of sleep, and go straight back at it.  First one in the office and last to turn out the light.  Talk about a rat race!

God knew that the human body could not stand that kind of stress over a long period of time, so He created a "Sabbath" - a day to set work aside and rest.  Don't work it, don't think it, don't talk it - just relax.  Setting all religious significance aside, the simple act of taking a break of one day in seven allows the mind to unwind and the body to regenerate.  No work at home, no telecommuting, no NOTHING!  Just peace, relaxation, and rest.

I have been a Sabbath keeper most of my life, and it is one of my greatest blessings.  It is a time for me to reconnect with my family, spend time with my cat, count the blessings of God, take a walk in the outdoors, read a good book, and physically rest my body.  I enjoy both of my jobs and cherish an active lifestyle, but I will not let anything come between me and my Sabbath rest. 

 

 

When Times Are Tough II

The prayer of faith will save the sick.

 James 5:14

This has been a pretty rough day.  I've been worried about my daughter, who spent two and a half days in the hospital after a spell of dizziness, pain and shortness of breath.  She was released yesterday after passing every heart test they could throw at her.  A dear friend of mine's young grandson had surgery today to remove a brain tumor, which he came through with flying colors.  Now they wait for the verdict of malignant or non-malignant.  This afternoon I received a phone call from one of my long-time choir members, letting me know that he was retiring from the choir because his illness predicates that he can no longer drive. It was a day of much sadness, but I thought I was handling it all pretty well.

Then I phoned my daughter tonight, only to discover that she had experienced another spell of dizziness today.  Suddenly my armor cracked, and I have dissolved in a puddle of fear, grief, and tears.  How much easier it is to place someone else's loved one in the hands of the Lord; how very difficult to accomplish that for your own child.  I want so badly to hang on, to micromanage, to somehow do something that will make this better - i.e., make it go away - and I can't.  My overactive mind imagines a thousand ways that things can go suddenly wrong, and I will not be there to stop it.  

So how do I turn this over to the Lord?  Hiow do I quench the fear and stem the tide of tears?  I have no clue.  Right now, I am trying to sing to myself an old song from my childhood:

Be not dismayed whate'er betide,
God will take care of you!
Beneath His wings of love abide,
God will take care of you!

God will take care of you,
Through every day o'er all the way;
He will take care of you;
God will take care of you!

In my mind, I am singing, God will take care of her...  The truth is, singing these words is one thing - fully embracing the message of faith and hope is entirely another.  But I have no where else to turn, and so, my precious daughter, I place your life in His hands.  There is no where else that you are safer.  God can do for you this evening what I can not.  I place my hope and trust in His unfailing love.

When Times are Tough

No matter how tough life may seem sometimes,  

you have to remember that there is always someone  

out there in the world that has it a lot worse than you.

The evening of that Saturday when I took my newborn daughter to the hospital and learned that she had catastrophic congenital heart defects, I was sitting in the lounge area outside the neo-natal ICU [NICU]. We had just been told that our child would not live to see the morning, and I was hunched in a corner trying desperately to absorb it all.  

Just then I heard the sound of childish laughter, and the most beautiful little boy - around four years old - came around the corner pulling an IV poll and laughing with his parents.  I overheard the mother say that the child was "well" and would be discharged the following morning.  I was struck with the rawest form of pure jealousy:  her child would live and go home; my child would die and be buried.  It was almost more than I could bear to sit and listen to his childish pratter and his happy parents' answers.  A few minutes later, I went into the nearby waiting room to bed down for the night.

At 6:00 a.m. the next morning, I arose with a faint whisper of hope in my heart.  No one had come to get us during the night.  My daughter was obviously still alive. As I entered the NICU, I noticed that the curtains of my daughter's room were open - I could see her little bed from the doorway.  The room next to hers, however, which had been empty when we went to bed, had the curtains drawn and the door shut.  Emanating from that room were the primal cries of a mother wracked with unbearable grief.  All of the nurses at the desk were crying.  As I stood rooted to the spot, the door opened and the couple from the night before emerged with the NICU director.  That precious little boy had suffered a cerebral hemorrhage during the middle of the night, and died before anyone could even move.

I have never forgotten the lessons of that awful day.  There are times when life bears down hard on all of us.  We feel like we are the only one going through the dark shadows - that life is unfair and defined only by pain.  But no matter how excruciating our circumstances, there is someone - probably close by - who has it much worse than we do.  Our peace and our sanity lie in turning over the pain and the fear to the One who can bear it with us and for us.  He is our refuge and our strength.

You are my hiding place,

You always fill my heart with songs of deliverance,

Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.

I will trust in You.

Let the weak say, "I am strong in the strength

of the Lord; I will trust in You."

Before You Call...

Before they call I will answer; 

while they are still speaking I will hear.

Isaiah 65:24

When my first born was 6 days old, she went into respiratory failure - a fact that my husband and I did not immediately recognize.  We finally caught on the next morning that something was really wrong, and I took her to her pediatrician.  He instantly recognized that she was in severe  trouble, and sent us around the corner to the hospital, where we were whisked upstairs to the Pediatric ICU.  Sitting around the nurses' station in that ICU was every single specialist that would be needed in the next hour to save my child's life - just sitting around yakking and having a cup of coffee.  My daughter's arrival threw them all into action, and every one of their specialty skills were available without having to make a call or send out a code.   Respiratory, cardiology, surgery - they were all an arm's length away.

 

Last night this same child, now a grown woman, was sitting at her desk eating a late supper, when she suddenly was hit with a wave of dizziness, faintness, and a pain in her left armpit.  Because of her heart history, she immediately decided to go to the Emergency Room and see what was up.  She had received a cardiac exam two years ago at the huge heart center in town, but that was way too far away from her office.  Another preeminent university hospital was close by, but has lengthy wait times before being seen.  She chose a smaller teaching hospital a few blocks away that is known for very short wait times.  A quick EKG assured that she was not having a heart attack.  Because of the lateness of the hour and the number of tests that needed to be performed, they admitted her for the night.  This morning, when she was wheeled in for an echocardiagram, a doctor was waiting there for her - an international specialist in congenital heart defects, who had heard about her childhood cardiac history and decided to take over her case.  She could have chosen any of a half dozen other hospitals, but she went to the one that had the expert authority that she needed.

 

Coincidence?  No - you could never convince me of that.  It was not a coincidence when she was a newborn, and it is not serendipity now.  Before we knew we needed Him, God was already in motion. 

Deja Vu

His eye is on the sparrow, 

and I know He watches me.

~Civilla Martin

 

Thirty years ago this September, I gave birth to my first child - a little girl.  Our little family spent five fantastic days together before it all went south.  Unbeknown to us, our precious daughter was born with catastrophic heart problems.  We spent three days (and nights) hearing the words "She won't make it through the night," and "You must prepare yourselves..." etc.  Eventually God's healing grace changed the course of that terrible diagnosis, and our eight-day old child endured heart surgery (a second surgery was necessary at four months).  The first year of her life was occupied with daily doctor or therapy visits.  It was the most stressful time in all my years of parenting.

Last night, all of those feelings of unbelief, stress and fear came flooding back as one of my dearest friends sobbed out the results of a phone call from her daughter: one of her 3-year-old grandsons was diagnosed with a terrible medical condition - just as frightening as what I faced all those years ago.  I spent much of the evening last night talking to God about those terrible days in the past, and the horribly tough present day reality for this young lad.  How I empathize with what his parents must be going through. 

I covet your prayers for this little boy, who is facing surgery on Thursday morning.  God urges us to bring Him our hopes and concerns for those who are ill.  Thank you in advance for your prayers! 

I Love Flowers!

All men are like grass, and all their glory

is like the flowers of the field.

Isaiah 40:6b

 

Yesterday in the mail, I received my Gardener's Idea Book from Proven Winners brand of plants.  Wouldn't you know, the first specimen pictured was a calibrachoa (flowers similar to miniature petunias) called Sunny Lemon.  Yes, bright yellow flowers, just as my gardening magazine suggested.  I must say, they are gorgeous.  Actually, the entire booklet is filled with photographs of amazing flowers.  This little booklet does exactly what it is supposed to do:  make you want to go out and buy everything pictured!  Well, not exactly everything.  I still say "NO!" to the blue, purple and orange color choices for planting in my gardens.

All the colors of flowers are breathtaking, but some are not to my taste for what I am trying to accomplish in my garden.

As I peruse through idea books, seed catalogs and nursery brochures, my thoughts always come back to one amazing fact.  God could have created this world in black and white - or all blue, all green, all red, etc.  Instead, He created the elements of nature in a kaleidoscope of colors, sizes, textures, and smells - all for the delight of the human family.  Some are so easy to grow: pansies, petunias, sedum, hostas, lantana and daisies.  Others, such as the orchid pictured above, are way beyond the scope of my gardening ability.  What fun God must have had in speaking these into existence.  What a marvelous creative imagination to set loose on the unformed world.

Thankful: For the Beauty of Creation

The earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof...

Psalm 24:1

Today I had the opportunity to attend the local Home and Garden Show out at the racetrack.  Covering four exhibition buildings and featuring over 200 vendors, there was a great deal to see and explore.  I was interested in two things:  finding a good drywall man (or woman), and investigating the "Garden" aspects of the show.

The Herb Farm was in attendance again this year.  Last year I bought some fantastic tri-colored marigolds from this company that were absolutely fantastic in one of my containers.  Perhaps because this year's show was earlier in the season, they did not have any flowering plants available.  The Ashland Berry Farm was also in attendance, but their emphasis this year was on water gardens and pond construction - a luxury I simply cannot afford.  Colesville Nursery was the last live plant entry for the Garden part of the show - one of the companies that I specifically came to see.

The March issue of my Virginia Gardening magazine featured a wonderful article entitled Plant This!  Not That!  Featuring a list of great tried and true plants for Virginia gardens, the chosen specimens were selected around a unifying theme:  Inject a little sunshine into your garden with the color yellow.  I must admit that when I hit the local nurseries in the spring for annual bedding plants, I do not search for yellow flowering ones; I prefer a variety of pinks, reds and whites.  I think perhaps the reason that I avoid yellow is because its most complimentary color is purple - a color (and a combination) that I do not care for at all when it comes to my garden.  

There was one plant in the magazine, however, that really caught my eye - Japanese forest grass.  I love ornamental grasses, and Hakonechloa macra "All Gold" grows in part shade as easily as in full sun, and even works well in containers.  It's color is chartreuse in heavier shade and a brighter gold in more sun.  A gold ornamental grass would be a spectacular addition to my new part-shade garden, and Colesville assured me that they have an abundance of this plant in stock (and at a reasonable price!).  Although I was not able to walk out of the Home and Garden Show with live plants, I did leave with a list of resources and a real anticipation for the spring gardening season that is just around the corner.