Monogamy II

...the two shall be one...

Why do two human beings form a relationship with each other - any kind of a relationship - a friendship, a partnership, a marriage?  Why do we form a close attachment to another individual?  There are many, many reasons, among them:

• Love
• Sex
• Shared interests
• Emotional togetherness
• Financial security
• Security in general
• Companionship
• Fear of aloneness

At the very basis of friendships, courtships, partnerships and marriages is trust.  I trust my friends that they actually like me and mean me no harm.  We trust that our partners are looking out for not only their best interests, but ours as well.  We trust that our significant other actually cares about us as a person, rather than our money, our possessions, our title, our fame, or simply sex.  And we trust that our spouses actually meant the words that are contained in the standard wedding vows - to love and to cherish.  That trust means:  You are not going to deliberately try to hurt me, you are not going to say one thing and do another, and you are not going to deliberately lie and deceive me. 

When you make a commitment in your professional or personal life, and you deliberately break that commitment, that's a problem.  If you didn't want to follow through, you should not have made the commitment in the first place.  My objection to Ms, Laslocky's CNN article - Face It: Monogamy is Unnatural, is that she excuses infidelity within a supposedly committed relationship.  If you think 50 years with the same sex partner is unnatural, fine - don't get married.  If you want to be able to sample sex from anyone that suits your fancy, fine - but not while you are in a committed relationship.  Be honest up front:  you like the person well enough to want sex with them, but you don't want any complicating ties.  Spell it out in plain English, and then let the other person decide if they are in agreement.  Don't throw the word "love" around to get what you want.  Lots of people think they can have their cake and eat it too.  It simply isn't so.

Monogamy

...a man will leave his father and mother 

and be united to his wife,

and the two will become one flesh.

Mark 10:8

I ran across a fascinating Opinion article on CNN.com this week, entitled Face It: Monogamy is Unnatural.  Let me share with you the opening words:

Kristen Stewart, Ryan Phillippe, LeAnn Rimes, Jude Law, Mark Sanford and Bill Clinton.  What do they have in common?  [hmmm... let me guess.  They all cheated on their partner??]   Many are quick to label a person who strays from his or her marriage or relationship a "cheater," but it's really not that simple.  It's time for our culture to wake up and smell the sex pheromones:  monogamy is not natural for many, or probably even most, humans.  With people living longer than ever before, a greater tolerance toward the human impulse to experience sexual variety is needed.  Whether a person succeeds at being sexually monogamous depends as much on biology as environment.

The author goes on to say that biologically, human beings are animals.  Therefore, we should take our cue from the animal kingdom as to our sexual preferences and partners.  Most animals are not monogamous, therefore we don't really need to be either.

There was no mention of God in the article, and only this about morality:   Because fidelity is considered the barometer of a successful marriage, this means that a person is theoretically expected to have one sexual partner for about 50 years.  This seems like a lot to expect of any human being - even the most honorable, ethical and moral.

After reading the article from beginning to end, it appears to me that the author's idea of human relationships is grounded solely in sex.  I would agree that animals take a partner for the purpose of procreation.  But is that the entire kit and caboodle for human beings?   -to be continued

Source: Face It: Monogramy is Unnatural by Megan Laslocky, Friday, June 21, 2013, CNN.com

 

Manipulation and The Voice

No one calls for justice...

Isaiah 59:4

 

I really detest being manipulated.  Worse than that, I really detest being manipulated and not knowing that I am until it is all over.  All my life I have been an advocate for what is fair.  Manipulation is rarely fair.

My two oldest daughters are rabid fans of the vocal competition, The Voice, with its celebrity judges: Usher, Blake Shelton, Adam Levine and Shakira.  Being a vocal coach by profession, I love to watch the (mostly) young talent as they vie for the coaches' approval and audience votes.  Witnessing the singers' growth as the show progresses is a particularly satisfying experience.  I have been an avid watcher since the second season, but this year, I noticed something that really began to bother me, shortly after the beginning of the live shows:  clear attempts to manipulate who the audience voted for.

When you put on a simple recital, a local singing competition, or a huge production like The Voice, where you place the contestants in the lineup has a great deal to do with how well the person performs, and the perception of that performance by the audience.  No one wants to be first.  In a competition, going first is like getting the kiss of death.  Conversely, the end of the program, particularly the last slot, is where any performer worth their salt wants to be.  Save the best for last, right?  When competition is a one-shot deal, there are hard choices to be made about who goes where on the lineup.  But when the competition continues over several weeks, you have the opportunity to do the fair thing:  spread the good and the bad around.

Unfortunately, the producers of The Voice did not appear to want to do the "fair" thing.  Over the last several weeks, it became quite clear who the producers thought the stars should be.  Michelle Chamuel was slated last or near last for several weeks, because it was obvious that she was at the top of her game.  Then Danielle Bradbery broke away from the pack, and they began to feature her in the better spots.  The Swon Brothers, a country duo that were unlikely but effective contenders, were given the "kiss of death" spot three weeks running.  It was pure audience manipulation, and I was sad to see.

On the series finale Monday night, each contestant had several opportunities to sing.  The Swon Brothers were given the opening slot (again), then the program seemed to bounce back and forth between the brothers and Michelle.  Danielle?  She was conspicuous because of her absence onstage.  She finally sang a duet with her coach, Blake Shelton.  But both of her solo moments were in the second hour, toward the end of the show, giving her perfect placement in the audience' memory.  Add that in with Adam Levine's proclamation after one of her solos that she was "...the winner" of the show, and you have manipulation in its finest form.

Don't get me wrong.  I don't dislike Danielle or begrudge her the win.  She has a great voice and amazing poise for one so young.  But I can't help but wonder how things might have turned out if all three artists had been given the opportunity to shine in that final hour - each leaving a distinct musical footprint fresh in the minds of the voters.

Happy Father's Day

Fathers, do not exasperate your children;

 instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Ephesians 6:4

Today is Father's Day - a day set aside to honor birth fathers, step-fathers, adopted fathers, and mentor fathers.  I have no idea who my birth father is, other than a name on a scrap of paper.  I don't mean my birth certificate - it actually lists my adoptive parents as my birth parents.  I literally have a piece of scratch paper with my birth father's name scribbled in pencil. 

 

I was adopted when I was 3 days old.  My parents told me stories about being adopted long before I could possibly understand what they were saying, so the knowledge that I was chosen by them was second nature to me.  I never gave much thought to my birth father; the man who adopted me is the only dad I have ever known.  He was a great playmate in my childhood, the favorite parent to argue with in my youth, and the steadfast rock of my world as an adult.

 

My father passed away in February of 2006 at the age of 92.  I have missed him every day since.  He was full of wit and wisdom - a man who let his character speak for itself, and a great storyteller if you could get him to sit down for a minute to chat.  He was always up and at it, going somewhere, doing something.  I admired him, I respected him, and I adored him with every fiber of my being.  

 

I love you, Dad. 

All Things New

I have come to the age when the words "old, everyday, regular" have the connotation of comfort, and the words "new, cutting-edge, different" bring a bit of apprehension and anxiety.  Never is that more true for me than when it comes to technology.

I have had a Dell desktop computer for the last ten or so years.  It was a very expensive, top-of-the-line machine when I purchased it - thus it's longevity, I suppose.  Recently it announced that it was ready to die; as a matter of fact, I resurrected it from the dreaded blue screen four or five times.  During the brief power outage of the last round of thunderstorms, however, it breathed its last.

I had, thankfully, prepared for its demise several weeks ago.  I looked at everything Dell had to offer, but couldn't quite handle the prices.  Then I went on HP's website, and found the perfect machine for me: tons of memory, big hard drive, a built-in 15-slot card reader and a price that I could afford.  I ordered it, and its big brown box was sitting on the office floor when the Dell expired.

I said "perfect," didn't I?  Well, not quite.  I am a Windows XP girl, you see, and this machine only came with Windows 8.  Friends said, "Nooo - get a machine with Windows 7," but that would have upped the price.  I let three days go by - sans computer - while I stewed over the coming NEWNESS.  Finally I bit the bullet, set up the machine, turned it on, and opened my little Windows 8 Basics brochure.

It was similar to setting up my Android smart phone, and the instructions, though brief, set me on the right road.  I certainly have not mastered Windows 8 by any means, but I have unpinned (and pinned) apps from my start page, erased the Norton 60-day trial and downloaded AVG, loaded my Office 2013 and Photoshop Elements software, and am now happily tapping away on this blog.  I am calm, I am pleased, and my anxiety has died down to a mere yawn. 

When the Bible speaks about God making "all things new," many people - old and young - get a little anxious about what exactly that "newness" means.  Harps? Clouds? White robes?  What will they do... what will they eat... where will they go???   The descriptions given in scripture are almost as brief as my Windows 8 brochure.  God has, however, given an intriguing promise of the new life that He will provide:

No eye has seen, no ear has heard, 

and no mind has imagined the things that God

 has prepared for those who love Him.

1 Corinthians 2:9

Which Way?

He knows the way that I take...

Job 23:10

 

"Would you tell me which way I ought to 

go from here?" asked Alice.

"That depends a good deal on where 

you want to get," said the Cat.

"I really don't care where," replied Alice.

"Then it doesn't much matter

which way you go," said the Cat.

~Lewis Carol Alice in Wonderland

How often I have felt like poor Alice - tumbling down a rabbit hole into a world I can't possibly recognize.  Everything is upside down and backwards, and everyone appears to be less than helpful, only adding to the confusion.  

A few months ago, I purchased a used vehicle that, at the time, held so much promise - a trim, clean, white Volvo sedan, with a sunroof, windshield wipers on the headlights, great air-conditioning, and the smoothest ride I have ever experienced.  What a joy it was to go out every morning, pop in the car, and be off to destinations near and far... until, that is, I noticed the puddle of oil on the driveway.  I will not bore you with the dreary details, but suffice it to say that the fixing of that oil leak shifted the pressure to another oil leak not previously diagnosed - this one terminal (unless I have several thousand more dollars to throw around).

I found myself without a car, although there are three vehicles besides the dead Volvo parked on my property, all with my name on the title.  Two of them are the kids' transportation, however, and the third is my dad's ancient truck.  Although I knew it was not the greatest idea for the longevity of the truck, I began to drive it to work.  Last week the transmission began slipping, and I was again faced with a driving dilemma.

Ever since the Volvo expired, I have been talking to God about my car problems.  I'm sure that I have added some very tedious moments to His day as I agonized over what in the world I should do.  Go here?  Go there?  Do this?  Do that?  I have been wallowing in confusion and indecision, and I'm very grateful that the cat in my life does not offer any suggestions or comments regarding my state of affairs.

The above verse from Job has always been a comfort to me in situations like this.  I might be wondering around in circles, but He knows exactly where I am.  He provides a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to my pratter, and is ready and willing to supply the wisdom to figure out the answer - if I ask for it.  I have, and He will.  

Is Our Suffering God's Will? Part 4

Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve...

Joshua 24:15

 

When I posted Joshua Trager's CNN article on my Facebook page with his questioning headline, Is Our Suffering God's Will, a friend of mine responded thus:

I read C.S. Lewis' On Pain and Suffering in high school, and it completely changed the way I thought about faith.  The answer to the question in the headline is, No, and it points out the problem with free will:  if we have free will, there will always be suffering and pain that's not God's will.  If He stopped all suffering from happening, then we wouldn't have free will anymore, which would mean our choice to follow Him wouldn't be a choice anymore either.  He'd end up with a world of mindless drones.  So instead of taking away free will and doing away with all suffering (because you can't have one without the other), He instead transforms those times of pain into a stepping stone toward a bigger plan He has for our lives.  

 

When human beings have the ability to make choices, they must suffer the consequences of the decisions they make.  Further, one individual's choice may cause another person's pain.  In Mr. Trager's tragedy, there were many choices that had a profound effect far beyond the lives of the individuals who made them.

• The traffic authority was well aware of the danger of that particular stretch of road, and yet chose not to do anything to change the situation, even after 100+ casualties occurred at that spot.
• The truck driver chose to party all night (including the consumption of alcohol) before heading to work, then chose to ignore posted warning signs to reduce speed and gear down.
• The driver's license authority chose to allow a 25-year-old man to continue driving after 26 traffic accidents. 
• The truck company chose to continue the employment of a driver with 26 traffic accidents.

God does not step in to intercept or countermand our choices. He gives us free reign to decide how we want to live our lives. When our choices have disastrous consequences for ourselves and/or others, He must step back and allows the dominoes to fall.

 

 

Is Our Suffering God's Will? Part 3

As for man, his days are like grass...

for the wind passes over it, and it is gone...

Psalm 103:15-16

 

It is so easy to blame God when things go wrong, tragedy occurs, or natural disasters strike.  After all, He is not likely to come down and argue His side of the case.  Many of us feel the need to blame someone in order to make any sense of what has happened.  God is all-powerful, is He not?  Surely things like this could only occur if He sent it, allowed it, encouraged it, caused it?

Mr. Tregar is a writer by trade, so he began to write about the bus crash and its profound aftermath.  He chronicled the opinions of his crash mates.  He deferred to written records when they were available - police files, hospital records, diaries, etc. He did not turn a blind eye to facts that were previously unknown to him.

 

When the bus driver's widow said that God had taken her husband, she did not talk about the fact that the accident happened at a bend in the road known as sivuv hamavet - "the turn of death."  This stretch of highway witnessed 144 accidents with casualties between 1980-2010.

The truck driver said that God, not he, had caused the crash.  He failed to include the facts that he had been partying in Tel Aviv prior to the accident and had ignored large yellow warning signs instructing him to shift the truck into a lower gear.  He also conveniently forgot to mention that, at the age of 25, he had already been guilty of 26 driving violations.

 

Treger says:  What for so many years had seemed to point to the arbitrariness of life was soon evidence of the opposite: my broken neck was the almost inevitable consequence, not of a divine plan, but of a reckless driver, a truck loaded with four tons of tiles, a backseat with no headrest, and a very dangerous road. ~to be continued

Materials obtained from, Opinion: Is Our Suffering God's Will? - by Joshua Treger, CNN.com

Is Our Suffering God's Will? Part 2

Why is my pain unending...?

Jeremiah 15:18

 

In seeking those who had experienced the tragic accident with him, Mr. Trager found the Hasidic Jews first.  They were an extended family who, on the day of the crash, were in route to worship at the Western Wall.  The family patriarch told Joshua Prager that "God caused the accident and saved our lives."  He said they must be like Job and follow God without question.

After the Hasidim, he located the widow of the bus driver [who had found religion just prior to his death].  She was a secular Jew who stated that her husband "...feared nothing but God."  She believed that it was God who ordained the crash.  "It is written," she said.

Last, but certainly not least, in a small Arab town, he found the driver of the truck that had obliterated the minibus.  He had "found religion" after the crash, and believed that the accident was an act of God.  He then spoke an Arab word - Maktoob - it is written.

As he drove back to Jerusalem, Trager realized that for once, as improbable as it might be, Arab and Jew were in complete agreement:  GOD DID IT.   ~to be continued

Is Our Suffering God's Will? Part 1

Does not man have hard service on earth?

Job 7:1

 

On May 16, 1990, a reckless driver in a speeding truck struck a minibus near Jerusalem.  There were 21 passengers on board the bus - 18 Hasidic (Orthodox) Jews, two American Jews, and an Israeli Arab.  The bus driver, an Israeli Jew, died on impact.  The others suffered various injuries; Joshua Prager, a 19-year-old from New York who was sitting in the back of the bus, was flown home via medical transport, paralyzed from a broken neck, his breathing accomplished through a respirator.

 

Had he not been in that place, at that time, Mr. Prager would have gotten a haircut on that bright spring day, taken up baseball in college, and moved steadily forward toward his dream of being a medical doctor.  Instead, the right side of his body slowly came back to life; his left side, however, was not able to accomplish the same journey.  He was and is a hemiplelgic (one who has partial or total paralysis on only one side of the body).

 

Twenty-two years after the accident, when he was 40, Joshua Prager returned to Israel seeking answers to a million questions regarding the crash and its place in his life. He wondered how the lives of the other twenty survivors had been affected by the circumstances of that May morning.  When he stepped off the plane in Jerusalem, his first order of business was to find them.  ~to be continued

Survivor!

Be faithful, even to the point of death,

and I will give you life...

Revelation 2:10

survive vt.

1 Outlive

2 to continue to live after, or in spite of

3 to continue living or existing, as after an event

survivor n.

1 a person or thing that survives

2 a person who has survived an ordeal 

or great misfortune

Growing up, I never gave much thought to the word "survivor."  I'm sure I learned its meaning when I studied the sinking of the Titanic in history class.  Obviously people survived the various wars that have been fought in my lifetime, but the men and women who came home were not called survivors.  They were called veterans. I can't really remember anyone in my younger years who was termed a "survivor."

Today, I went to a local high school track and participated in the opening ceremonies of a Relay for Life Walk - a fundraiser sponsored by the American Cancer Society.  While sweating members of the walking teams were putting up their shade tents in the sweltering 90-degree heat, I was in the high school cafeteria, enjoying a leisurely lunch, receiving gifts and a bright purple t-shirt, participating in a raffle, and thoroughly enjoying the air-conditioned comfort.  Why was I so special?  Because I am a SURVIVOR.  I am 6+ years cancer-free, and enjoying every moment.

Tonight I thought, I wonder what the Bible says about surviving.  I was a bit surprised to find that the word "survive" is not in the Scriptures.  Curious, I grabbed my trusty thesaurus to see what the synonyms for "survive" are.  The very first word listed brought a smile to my face:  LIVE.  Of course!  A survivor is someone who is still living - still waking each day to the joys and the sorrows of the next 24 hours.  I survived cancer.  You may be a survivor of divorce, an only child who has married and left the nest, the loss of your job, a serious illness or injury, or the death of a loved one.  But you are alive and able to experience another sunrise.

I received a small pin today to wear on my new purple shirt.  It reads:

Celebrate - those who have survived

Remember - those who have lost their battle with cancer

Fight Back - for those who are in the midst of the disease.

I hope that next year there will be many, many more SURVIVORS enjoying that air-conditioned luncheon.