Forgive to be Forgiven

For if you forgive other people their failures,

 your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. 

But if you will not forgive other people,

neither will your Father forgive you your failures.

Matthew 6:14-15 [Phillips]

Failure: i.e., wrong, sin, transgression, omission, the act of failing.  It is curious that Phillips uses the word “failure” here.  The NIV uses “sin,” the Revised English Bible says “wrongs,”  and the King James uses “trespasses.”  The NIV, REB and KJV all use words that indicate a wrong act.  Phillips’ use of the word “failure” seems to indicate a breakdown in the core system.

Much of the time, giving forgiveness – real forgiveness – is not an easy task.  Someone has wronged you – hurt you deeply, and they come to you with a sincere apology.  It will take a bit of time and a lot of talking, but eventually the odds are good that you will truly forgive them.  Take the same scenario, however, and change one thing – no apology.  Not only no apology, no remorse and, in some cases, a smug idea that they have nothing to apologize for.  Forgiving in that case is very difficult indeed.  When we have been wronged/humiliated/rebuffed in public, we have a strong, natural need to be vindicated – to prove that we are innocent and the other party is guilty.

Unfortunately, there are times when admission of guilt or responsibility for the actions just doesn’t happen.  Does that mean that we are released from the need to forgive?  No, we are not.  In a case like that, it is even more important for us to forgive, so that anger and loathing do not eat us from the inside out.  And that’s why I like the word “failures.”  If the person who has wronged me has had a breakdown at their moral core – a failure that was directed, unfortunately, on me – it gives me a new perspective on the one who has committed the wrong.  A breakdown of who they are elicits concern for them as a child of God, and allows me to pray for them, exploring with God my anger with them, and releasing it to Him. Sometimes that is a very long process, but the end results are worth every effort that you make.

Our Father...

When you pray, don’t rattle off long prayers like the pagans who think they will be heard because they used so many words.  Don’t be like them.  For your Father knows your needs before you ask Him.

Pray then like this –

Our Heavenly Father, may Your name be honoured;

May You kingdom come,

And Your will be cone on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us each day the bread we need for the day.

Forgive us what we owe to you,

As we have also forgiven those who owe anything to us.

Keep us clear of temptation, and save us from evil.

Matthew 6:7-13

Small children can have a very difficult time sitting through a worship service.  Staying quiet for that long is an educational process – the sooner started, the better learned.  I was a typical child, fidgeting and restless at the imposed silence.  If there was a children’s message, that at least gave me a moment to get up and walk, listen to a story, and take the short walk back.  If the storyteller was really good, that time in the service made my day.  The most difficult portion of the service, however, was the Pastoral Prayer.

If our pastor gave the prayer, the ordeal would be over in five minutes or less.  If it was one of the elders praying – watch out!  A mini-sermon would be offered for sure.  The same would happen if there was a guest speaker, and our minister felt the need to get his ten minutes in regardless.  Prayer time seemed to be a competition, not a contemplation.  It was all a little much for a small girl who couldn’t sit still in the first place.

God does not need lots and lots of words.  He already knows all about it, for Pete’s sake.  What He is looking for, according to Matthew, is honest sincerity.  He doesn’t want platitudes, he’s doesn’t need flowery words or pat Christian phrases – He has probably heard enough of “bless the missionaries and the children,” to last a long, long time.  Instead, what about Susie down the block who hasn’t been very nice lately.  How about that scruffy teenager that always seems to be lurking around, obviously up to no good.  What about the co-worker who steals your ideas and the candy out of your drawer?  Talk to God about them – your complaints, your feelings, their failures.  He wants to hear every word that is spoken from an open heart.  Then listen while He answers. 

Hate Your Enemy?

You’re familiar with the old law, “Love your friend,” and its unwritten companion, “Hate your enemy.”  I’m challenging that.  I’m telling you to love your enemies.  Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst.  When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer, for then you are working out of your true selves, your God-created selves.  This is what God does.  He gives His best – the sun to warm and the rain to nourish – to everyone, regardless, the good and bad, the nice and nasty.  If all you do is love the lovable, do you expect a bonus?  Anybody can do that.  If you simply say hello to those who greet you, do you expect a medal?  Any run-of-the-mill sinner does that.  Live generously and graciously toward others, 

the way God lives toward you.

Matthew 5:43-48

One of my daughters teaches at the same university from which she graduated.  She was quite immature and aggressively vocal during her freshman year there, and she made her fair share of “non-admirers!”  Two people in particular have been problematic, not willing to recognize that a lot of growing up happens over a period of eight years.  They have been, quite literally, her enemies, and to add to the irony, they are now her “superiors” for her job.  She has responded by being as polite and cordial as possible, dealing respectfully when necessary, and otherwise staying out of their way. 

“Well,” you might say, “she seems to be handling the situation very well.”  Yes, I think she is, and I am very proud of her maturity in holding her tongue and realizing that we all have to deal with people who are not exactly our fans.   But this advice from Jesus gives a “secret weapon” - an added bonus for those of us who have to deal with difficult people.  “When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer...”

It is very hard to be nasty to someone if you are consistently, daily praying for them. Talking to God about an individual reminds you that they are also a child of the King.  The thought of doing so may be the greatest hurdle you have to overcome, but once you begin an active conversation with God regarding your adversary, you will find that your feelings will slowly change toward that individual.  Prayer also has the added advantage of possible changes in their life.  Obviously God cannot whack them up the side of the head and say, “Hey, get with the program!”  But He will constantly draw them, love them, and cover them with His compassion and grace.  Some of that just might flow to you from them.