Blest Be the Tie That Binds

Can a mother forget the baby at her breast,

and have no compassion on the child she has borne?

Though she may forget, I will not forget you.

Isaiah 49:15

My oldest daughter was born with multiple heart problems that required two heart surgeries before her first birthday.  On the eighth day of her life, we were told that she would not live through the night.  Through the grace and healing of the Great Physician, that diagnosis was not fulfilled, but the first seven years of her life were a never-ending stream of doctor visits, or so it seemed.  During those years, I gave birth to two additional girls.  At the time, if you had asked me if I was neglecting my other children in favor of the firstborn, I would have laughed (or been offended), and said, "Certainly not!"  And yet I did.  Although I love all three of my girls equally, there was more energy and concern poured into the child with the cardiac defects, and my other two girls recognized the difference.  I, on the other hand, had no idea that I was more involved with one than with the others.  Looking back to those years with my younger children has been a real eye-opener for me.

One of my students' older brothers was involved in a catastrophic accident that resulted in a massive head injury.  For days - and then weeks - his condition was so fragile that he could have slipped away at any moment.  Several times they were advised to prepare for his death.  During this traumatic time for her family, she began to be keenly aware of what she perceived as a loss of closeness with her parents.  Their energies and concern lay with her brother, and she misses the interaction terribly.  I was grateful that I could give her a different perspective on the problem, urging her to understand that her parents are not neglecting her on purpose, and that eventually things will return to a more even keel.  Life in her household will probably never return to what it was; however, if she can approach her parents with maturity and understanding for their grief and anxiety, that will go a long ways toward strengthening their family bonds of love.