Discipline

Central Park NYC.  Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

The road to life is a disciplined life;

ignore correction and you're lost for good.

Proverbs 10:17

I have an acquaintance who has never grown up.  He is in his fifties now, but still has to be the center of attention, still finds bathroom and sexual humor very amusing, still relishes turning one friend against another, still throws [grown-up style] temper tantrums, and still believes he is the fountain of all knowledge on every subject and thus always right.  It is exhausting to be around him.  It is also embarrassing to be around him, as he inevitably thrives on embarrassing you, and never seems to manage to embarrass himself (although you end up being embarrassed for him).  I find that the safest route is to be around him as little as possible.

Discipline is an interesting word.  Webster's #1 definition is:  a branch of knowledge or learning.  That would not be the first definition to come to my mind!  However, I do like Webster's second definition better:  training that develops self-control, character, orderliness and efficiency.  In my everyday world, discipline is something that most people want to hand out to others (definition #5), but rarely accept or utilize themselves (definition #3).  I like the idea of discipline as training - training me to be like Christ in character and in control of my emotions and reactions, enabling me to live a life that draws people to Christ rather than to me.     

 

Train Up a Child

Orchids Galore! Ginter Botanical Garden. Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

Wise son - glad father;

Stupid son - sad mother.

Proverbs 10:1 

The dynamics within a family are an absolute mystery to me.  How can a set of children grow up with the same mother and father, the same socio-economic conditions, the same schools, the same playmates, and yet turn out so incredibly different - from each other, from their parents, from the culture in which they were raised.  As parents, we try to pass on to our children our core values, beliefs and faith.  Although some of that "sticks," a great deal does not.  My oldest daughter said to me one time, "Mom, you act as though we didn't hear what you said.  We heard you, but that does not mean that we agreed with you, or that we believe the same way."

I have a good friend who has two children.  The daughter is a successful businesswoman, and the son is an alcoholic and a drifter.  I have another friend with three children: one daughter lives an alternative lifestyle, the son is heavily involved in sowing his wild oats, and the other daughter struggles every day with major depression.  All five of these children were raised in the church; not one of them would think of darkening the door of one now.

The temptations that confronted my generation are as nothing compared to what my children faced, and theirs will pale in comparison to what will confront their children.  All we can do as parents is our best.  That sounds woefully inadequate, but it is the honest truth.  We teach faith, integrity, and responsibility, then open our hands and let wings take flight.  As we watch our children establish their own lives, our hearts turn to patience, hope and prayer - lots of prayer.

Doing the Job

The Bronx Zoo.  Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

A lazy employee will give you nothing but trouble;

it's vinegar in the mouth, smoke in the eyes.

Proverbs 10:26 

A friend of mine had a recent hip replacement, and has had no end of trouble since.  Twice the hip has dislocated, and today she lays in a hospital bed facing more of the same for this weekend, followed by surgery on Monday morning to put in a different hip, change out parts, or whatever is needed in order for this replacement hip to work for her.  Several of her friends have taken a portion of her "labors" to take care of: mine is watering the outdoor plants, a job I often do for her while she is traveling.

Watering the plants outdoors, particularly those in containers, is not a job that you can sluff off on.  Well, you can, but the result will be plain for all to see - wilted or dead plants.  When the summer heat descends (the next three days in Richmond are slated to be 101-104 degrees!), one missed watering session can completely kill a container plant.  I am involved in something that is going to keep me from watering my friend's plants for four days - a lifetime in the coming blistering heat.  Who in the world can I trust to do the job in my absence?  Not just anyone, that is for sure.

I have 20 container plants on my own property that will be need to be watered during this period, not one of which do I want to risk losing.  So I need to find someone I can hire to do both jobs for me.  Who can I find that will understand that, morning and night, each one of those containers has to be watered.  Who can I find that won't say to themselves - "hey, she'll never know" when they decide they "just don't have time right now."  I have been in this situation before, and come home to gloriously blooming plants.  I have also gone away and come home to plants that were wilted and half dead.  The answer will lie in the hands of the person I hire to do the job.  I just pray it won't be "a lazy employee"; I've never been fond of vinegar or smoke.   

Two Preachers

Central Park NYC. Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

A good and honest life is a blessed memorial;

a wicked life leaves a rotten stench.

Proverbs 10:7 

In a busy community in the Mid-Atlantic, there was a large church with a charismatic minister who was beloved by his congregation.  Well - sort of.  Mr. Preacher Man catered to the rich and important in the congregation; by and large, they thought he was cool.  His preaching style was as charismatic as he was, and his sermons were full of current events and political prowess.  He was constantly running around putting out fires (many of his own making), and promising elite members of the congregation that they could have what they wanted.  When push came to shove, however, he often could not deliver, which necessitated a new round of smooth talk and promises.  If it became politically necessary for him to turn one church member against another, he did so with crisp efficiency.  Things were happening within the congregation (and even the staff) which were dealt with by turning a blind eye.  Schemers got away with murder (it takes one to know one, you know), and it was all swept under the rug with hearty handshakes, claps on the back, and another bag full of promises.  When it came time for Mr. Preacher Man to leave the church, the man who followed him was doomed to try and clean up his messes, undo his deceits, and unkeep his promises.  

In a similar community and large church, there was an associate minister who came to the job with boat loads of enthusiasm and a winning smile. He was a man of truth and integrity, and he performed his ministry as he lived his life.  Care and concern were his hallmarks, and he loved the people, at time far more than they deserved.  When life dealt him a cruel health blow, he weathered the storm with faith and hope intact.  The people rallied in support of this man whom they had come to love and cherish.  When it came time for him to move onward and upward to a senior pastoral ministry of his own, he left behind multitudes of friends, and hearts full of wonderful memories.

You Can't Tell Them Anything!

Central Park, NYC. Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

If you reason with an arrogant cynic,

you'll get slapped in the face;

confront bad behavior and get a kick in the shins.

So don't waste your time with a scoffer;

all you'll get for your pains is abuse.

Proverbs 9:7-8a 

Have you ever had a friend about whom you were more or less forced to say, "You can't tell them anything!"   I've had friends who acted that way, and I have had students who absolutely knew it all.

There's nothing like a teenager to put you in your place with your old-fashioned, fuddy-duddy ways that hold no relevance to the hip here and now.  I've known a number of kids for whom any input from me instantly resulted in a smirk, a quick, negative shake of the head, and the assurance that they knew exactly what they were doing.  No matter that from my perspective, they were headed for imminent disaster.  No, they wanted none of my advice, thank you very much.  I was relegated to sidelines to watch as their life went from bad to worse to complete meltdown, not knowing whether to laugh or cry.

I have learned that, in such circumstances, there is no place for, "I told you so!"  That might make me feel better, but it certainly won't help the situation.  Sometimes all you can do is make it clear that you still care, and that you are still willing to help if needed.  God must feel the same way about me some times when I am insistent upon my own way.  He has grace, wisdom and peace to offer, but they won't do me any good if I am too cock-sure to turn around and humbly accept the gift.

A Shelter in the Time of Storm

Orchids Galore! Ginter Botanical Garden.  Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

I will say of the Lord,

"He is my refuge; my God, in Him I will trust."

Psalm 91:2

I dropped by the secretary's office early this afternoon to let her know that I was going up to the conference office in northwest Richmond.  The weather was blistering hot when I went out to my car, but storm clouds were gathering in the west, and I remembered that rain was promised for this evening.  I jumped on the Powhite Parkway, crossed the river, and turned onto Staples Mill Road.  

As I traveled north, I noticed that the blackening sky was now directly ahead of me, and it appeared that I was going to run into a thunderstorm.  Suddenly, the cars in front of me ground to an abrupt halt, and the sky overhead took on the look of grey-green smoke.  I turned on the radio just as warning signals were blaring out the announcement that we were under a tornado warning, as a funnel cloud had been sighted right in my area.  The wind began to blow fiercely and my little hatchback began to rock and shake.  Hail pelted the car, then buckets of rain poured down, obliterating the view in front of me.

I was in the middle lane with no where to go to pull off the road.  We inched along until we came to the light at Parham Road, and suddenly everyone stopped and would go no further.  The velocity of the wind increased and I thought my car was going to tip over, while the roar of the rain thundered around me.  The only thing I could do was pray - pray for myself, pray for those around me, pray that the twister in front of me would go forward or sideways, but definitely not backwards!  Or, better yet, that it would disappear altogether.

When the smoky blackness finally rolled on in its journey eastward, the line of cars began to inch forward again, this time going slowly in order to miss the branches and trees down in the road.  I went up a little further until I could pull into an empty parking lot, calm my heart, and praise my Heavenly Father for being my shelter in the time of storm.   

Wisdom for the Baby

Bamboo Forest, Maymont Park.  Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

I am Lady Wisdom, and I live next door to Sanity;

Knowledge and Discretion live just down the street.

Good counsel and common sense are my characteristics,

I am both Insight and the Virtue to live it out.

Wealth and Glory accompany me,

also substantial Honor and a Good Name.

My benefits are worth more than a big salary - 

a very bid salary; 

the returns on me exceed any imaginable bonus.

Proverbs 8:12, 14, 18-19

I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall in King Solomon's court - the ruler who has been labeled "the wisest man who ever lived."  I definitely would have wanted to be there on the morning that two young mothers brought in a single baby.  Each woman claimed that the other mother rolled over on her baby in the night, smothering it, and then took the remaining baby for their own. Two women claiming to be the mother of one precious infant.  If I had been king (well, queen, actually), I don't know what I would have done.  Take the women aside and question each one individually?  Talk to the relatives? Canvass the neighbors?  Look for holes in someone's story?  Give the child to a foster family?

Solomon's answer was far different.  He motioned to a guard and called for a sword.  He then instructed the baby to be laid on a table, and for the guard to split the child in half, giving half of the child to each mother.  The court must have been positively electrified, hardly believing that they had heard correctly.  One of the mothers stood there grim-faced, waiting for the blade to fall.  The other mother, however, fell at Solomon's feet and begged that the child be spared and given to the other woman.  Solomon halted the guard, lifted this second mother up from the floor, and handed her the child.  Mother #1 had no love for the child, and was willing to have it killed rather than lose the game.  Mother #2, like Jochebed before her, was willing to give up her child completely to ensure that he would live. 

Justice For Kids

Pond Koi, Japanese Garden, Maymont Park.  Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

Can you build a fire in your lap

and not burn your pants?

Can you walk barefoot on hot coals

and not get blisters?

Proverbs 6:27-28

Very, very rarely do I wish catastrophe on another human being, and I would almost never cheer when someone has the bottom of their world drop out.  But this morning, when I clicked on to the Internet and read the latest news headlines, I cheered, I grinned, I thanked God:  Jerry Sandusky has been found guilty of 43 counts of sexual crimes against children.  I had frankly been afraid that somehow this man would walk; that if put on the stand, he would charm the jury and the world into believing he did not do these horrible things.  The possibility of that charade ended, however, when Sandusky's own adopted son came forward and said, "He abused me as well."  The prosecution warned the defense that if they put Sandusky on the stand, prosecutors would counter with his own son, and the entire house of cards came tumbling down.  The jury did not know about the son's accusations prior to handing down their guilty verdict.  They found out after it was all said and done, and it only strengthened their knowledge that they had decided correctly.

My father often talked about the "slippery slope:" that could appear when someone made a really bad decision.  Most people on the planet (except, perhaps, Mr. Sandusky's defense team) instinctively know that it is a terrible choice for an adult male or female to shower naked with naked young children (male or female) who are not their own kids.  Mr. Sandusky somehow justified such behavior in his own mind, and the children he dragged down that slope with him will suffer for the rest of their lives because of what he chose to do.  

One of the recurring themes of the victims' testimony was, "Who would believe a kid?" - particularly against a powerful man within a powerful sports program of a powerhouse university.  Yesterday, a jury of seven women and five men answered that question.  They listened, they believed, and they convicted.      

Still, Small Voice

Japanese Gardens, Maymont Park.  Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

My mouth chews and savors and relishes truth - 

I can't stand the taste of evil!

You'll only hear true and right words from my mouth;

not one syllable will be twisted or skewed.

Proverbs 8:6-7

I've noticed a very funny thing about human life.  When our children are born, we work and work to teach them to talk.  After we have succeeded, we spend the next two decades wishing we could shut them up.  Talking is such an unbelievably important portion of our lives.  We need to talk about what we think, what we see, what we do, what we want.  It takes years and years for us to learn the value of silence.

When Jezebel was creating havoc for the prophet Elijah, he ran away into the wilderness, sat down, and began to moan and groan about his poor life.  Finally he found his way to a cave, and as he was moping and chattering away, a voice suddenly said, "Elijah!  What are you doing here?"  The prophet started in on his poor-little-me routine, but God interrupted and said, "Hey!  Go stand over there!"  Then the Lord sent a mighty wind that rent the mountain and thundered around the crevices - but God was not in the wind.  Then a huge earthquake broke the stones and rent the earth - but God was not in the earthquake.  After the earthquake came a roaring inferno of fire - but God was not in the fire either.

After the fire dissipated, there came a still, small voice.  And Elijah wrapped himself in his mantle and came to the opening of the cave to have a quiet conversation.  Sometimes it is hard to keep evil out of our mouths when we are in the midst of the stress and pressure of the clamoring world.  We start our tongues wagging and we often lose the power to control what comes out of our lips.  If I am truly going to have only truth and rightness come out of my mouth - with not one syllable twisted or skewed, I am going to have to spend a bit more time in the quiet stillness of God's presence.

Things God Hates

Central Park, NYC.  Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

Here are six things God hates,

and one more that He loathes with a passion:

Eyes that are arrogant

A tongue that lies,

Hands that murder the innocent,

A heart that hatches evil plots,

Feet that race down a wicked track,

A mouth that lies under oath,

A troublemaker in the family.

Proverbs 6:16-19

As laundry lists go, this one ranks right up there on the undesirable quotient.  Just reading through this roll call of character gives me the shivers.  Have you ever noticed that when someone has one of these traits, they often have several of the others as well?  Of greater interest to me is the fact that the one that seems least objectionable - a troublemaker in the family - is set apart from the other six as something God especially "...loathes with a passion. The original language is "an abomination." Why?

I have puzzled over this during the morning, and have come up with only one thought:  Corrupted families is where corrupted people come from.  Yes, there are influences from mental and physical illness and genetic makeup, but a child's character is formed in the very early years within the family (or lack thereof).  An individual who creates havoc and trouble within the family affects far more than just themselves.  The very foundation of a person's life can be permanently altered by deceit, all forms of abuse, lack of affection, fear, violence, etc.  

This week a cell phone video was posted on Youtube of an 88-year-old school bus aide being bullied by the students on her bus.  In what was termed "nasty behavior," kids jeered, mocked, cursed, poked, and verbally abused the woman, targeting her age, her weight, her looks, and her family.  The kids accused her of wanting to rape children, asked if she had an STD, joked about stabbing her, urinating and defecating on her home as well as attacking her family.  They taunted that she was so ugly, her family should kill themselves, a comment that finally reduced her to tears (10 years ago, she had a son who committed suicide).  Obviously there were both leaders and followers in this gang of kids, but as I read this story, I wondered:  what kind of families produced the ringleaders of this attack?  How is it possible that 12-, 13- and 14-year-old kids can be so cruel to a senior citizen?

What will the parents do when confronted with their child's behavior?  Will they step up to the plate and make their kids take responsibility for their actions?  Or will they defend their children's right to "speak their mind" and empower their kids to continue to walk down the wrong path.

 

Consider the Ant

Orchids Galore! Ginter Botanical Garden. Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

You lazy fool, look at the ant.

Watch it closely; let it teach you a thing or two.

Nobody has to tell it what to do.

All summer it stores up food; at harvest it stockpiles provisions.

So how long are you going to laze around doing nothing?

How long before you get out of bed?

A nap here, a nap there, a day off here, a day off there,

sit back, take it easy - do you know what comes next?

Just this: You can look forward to a dirt-poor life,

poverty your permanent houseguest!

Proverbs 6:6-11

My father was a man who believed in working hard to provide for his family.  Absolutely no grass grew under that man's feet!  He got up early, went to bed early, and packed the hours inbetween with work, home time, and play.  He had a whole smorgasbord of  hobbies and side jobs.  If Mom needed an extra few dollars for our music lessons, Dad would sharpen saws or re-rag an airplane.  If you were driving down Thomas Road in Phoenix, it was not at all unusual to see the tail end of a plane shooting up above the oleander hedge surrounding our corner backyard.  

Dad passed his work ethic on to his children.  My first job, at the age of 16, was photo retouching in the portrait studio of a family friend. During the summers, I worked at The Arizona Republic & Phoenix Gazette newspaper or at the Arizona Highway Patrol.  My brothers had paper routes and also worked at the newspaper.  We did not feel that life was unfair because we had to work.  On the contrary, I knew that working was the way to obtain some of the things that I wanted but could not otherwise afford.

When my girls were in their teens, I worked part-time in the office of a packaging plant.  The kids were at the age where they were complaining about school and longing for freedom.  Their years of education to come stretched out before them in a never-ending path that caused much grumbling, so one summer, I got them a job at the plant.  They stood in an assembly line punching Tonka Toy truck tires and then packing them in cases. Hour after hour, day after day, week after week they punched and packed toy tires. It didn't take long for them to be bored out of their minds, and finally the plain truths of life began to sink in.  By the end of the summer, there were a few things they knew for sure: they did not want to pack toy tires for a living, there was a method to the madness of education, and they needed to think carefully about what they wanted to do with the rest of their lives.          

Let It All Hang Out

Orchids Galore! Ginter Botanical Garden.  Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

Your spring water is for you and you only,

not to be passed around among strangers.

Bless your fresh-flowing fountain!

Enjoy the wife you married as a young man.

Lovely as an angel, beautiful as a rose--

don't ever quit taking delight in her body.

Never take her love for granted.

Why would you trade enduring intimacies for

cheap thrills with a whore?  for dalliance

with a promiscuous stranger? 

Proverbs 5:17-20

John Edwards should be breathing a sigh of relief and basking in the comfort of having dodged yet another bullet.  The Feds have dropped all charges against him for campaign finance fraud ($1million of campaign contributions used to hide his mistress and love child), his six-week trial on those allegations is over and finished, and the future is bright with promise if he can just rehabilitate his image of a pretty boy scumbag husband who cheated on his dying wife and fathered a kid in the process.

Mr. Edwards, however, will not get the luxury of that peaceful rehabilitation, thanks to his mistress, Reille Hunter, who is publishing a tell-all memoir about their affair - due out from the publishers next week.  In the book, Hunter has allegedly told all regarding the affair that started when she became a videographer on his presidential campaign [which coincided with the time his wife, Elizabeth, was fighting her final bout with cancer.]  In the book, Ms. Hunter reveals, among other things, that she might be Edwards' last mistress, but she certainly wasn't his first, and that cheating on his wife was well established for Mr. Edwards prior to making her acquaintance.  She reveals intimate details of hotel escapades, avoiding the ever-present paparazzi, and rendevoux wherever and whenever she could get them.

Ms. Hunter claims that she wrote the book for the couple's four-year-old daughter, so that the little girl (hopefully when she is older!!) would "understand" her father and mother's relationship.  Obviously, Ms. Hunter and I have a completely different view of what information is appropriate to share with your children regarding their parents.  I can't even imagine how her mind could sanction such a project - other than $$$.  And Mr. Edwards?  Well, as my dad would say, "With friends like that, who needs enemies?" 

 

Modern Woman of the Con

Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

The lips of a seductive woman are oh, so sweet,

her soft words are oh, so smooth,

but it won't be long before she's gravel in your mouth,

a pain in your gut, a wound in your heart.

So, my friend, listen closely;

don't treat my words casually.

Keep your distance from such a woman;

absolutely stay out of her neighborhood!

Proverbs 5:3-4,7

The crew next door have scattered to the four winds, proverbially.  The male boarder has finally realized a hopeless situation and found a nice trailer park down on Colonial Beach away from the family and their mess.  The daughter is in jail for her 3rd DUI, her boyfriend is wandering the streets, and the pit bull is once again ensconced in the house, hoping that someone will come by and feed him/water him/let him out once a day.  That leaves the woman, who is at the very heart of the entire story.

It appears that my neighbor is a con woman who has plied her trade for years among family and friends.  She has had a good-paying job up until recently, so it wasn't that she didn't have any money.  She just didn't want to use any of hers.  In the last four years, she has talked 3 different men into moving in with her and putting their names on the utility bills.  She then asked for cash to pay the bills and, you guessed it, didn't pay them.  When the electricity was shut off the first time, she asked the man to pay the $1600 they were in arrears.  He would not, so that account was closed and she found another sucker.  When the second account got up around $1200 (the man had already fled), she talked her daughter's erstwhile boyfriend into putting his name on an account.  He quit his job shortly after that, and here we go again.  She trolls for men on the Internet, concentrating on those who are older (lonely) and wealthy (more money to spend).

Her out-of-state son, who co-owns the house, sent money each month for half the mortgage payment.  It was never paid.  He sent money for repairs on an old classic car that is housed in the garage.  That $$ disappeared as well.  Now the house is up for foreclosure, the electricity and water have been turned off, and she can't understand why her friends do not want to lend her their couch to sleep on.  In the midst of all this is a beautiful little 5-year-old girl who is living pillar-to-post with a woman who can't be trusted any further than you can throw her.  As modern day stories go, this one is really, really sad.

  

Living Wisdom

Orchids Galore! Ginter Botanical Garden. Copyright 2012:  singeronthesand

Dear friend, take my advice.  It will add years to your life.

I'm writing out clear directions to Wisdom Way;

I don't want you ending up in blind alleys,

or wasting time making wrong turns.

Hold tight to good advice; don't relax your grip.

Proverbs 4:10-11

Brad Snyder's father tried to impart as much wisdom as possible to his lively, rebellious son.  He continually preached to his son to "...leave things better than you found it," and "...everything is about service to something higher than yourself."  His father believed that there were lots of things that you did simply because it was the right thing to do. He urged Brad into competitive swimming, believing that the discipline would be an excellent schoolroom for his son. This training/upbringing formed Brad into a young man who applied and received acceptance to the U.S. Naval Academy, where he swam competitively for the Navy.

After graduation, Brad became an EOD - an explosive ordinance disposal officer.  As a bomb expert, he was in high demand in both Iraq and Afghanistan. In April of last year, he was running to assist soldiers wounded by a roadside bomb when he stepped on the tripwire of a second device planted in the same ditch. The bomb exploded in his face - bursting his right eye and destroying his left eye with shrapnel, plunging him into permanent darkness.  Coming home, he found that he had to relearn how to do almost everything.  When doctors told him that his blindness was permanent, he said, "Ok.  What now?  How do we go on from here?  What do I need to do next?"  He found that life in pitch darkness was beyond tough everywhere except in the swimming pool.  There, he found peace and normality.

Leaning on his father's wisdom and his own belief in himself, Brad has fought back from darkness to the light of a fulfilled life.  This week, he is competing for a spot on the U.S. Paralympics swim team that will be competing in London at the World World Paralympics.  The final team roster will be announced this Sunday.  I hope that Brad and his wonderful, smiling countenance are right at the top of the list. 

No Free Lunch?

Copyright 2012:  Singeronthesand

 Every good and perfect gift is from above, 

coming down from the Father of lights, 

who does not change like shifting shadows.

James 1:17

I was raised by a father who firmly believed that "There is no such thing as a free lunch," "You can't get something for nothing," and "No one is going to hand you that on a silver platter."  Although I clearly understood that he was trying to teach me that I needed to work for what I wanted instead of expecting someone else (including my parents) to provide it for me, I also knew that occasionally (rarely?), you do luck out and score a freebie.

Today I made my semi-annual trip to Falls Church, Virginia (on the outskirts of Washington, D.C.), to visit Fox's Music store.  This is a two hour trip from my home just south of Richmond up super-busy I-95, but there is no other full-service music store anywhere in my area.  The commute is harrowing at times, but I really enjoy my time browsing through the shelves and boxes of choral, handbell, organ and piano music.  The downside comes in the cost of printed music these days  - certainly not the 35¢ a sheet of my childhood.  Handbell music runs around $4.50 per piece, and choral music is routinely over $2.00.

Imagine my surprise today when the Choral Department's manager directed my attention to two large boxes of choral music and eight similar boxes of handbell music (multiple copies of each piece) prominently marked FREE in big red letters.  I was so stunned I simply stood there and stared.  Finally, I looked at her and said, "You are giving away multiple copies of handbell music???"  She smiled, nodded, and said, "Yes, we are cleaning house.  There is simply way too much music and not enough room."  She encouraged me to go through all of the boxes and take as much or as little as I wanted.  I certainly didn't need another invitation!

God specializes in freebies.  He daily pours down grace in abundance, blessings without cost, love without measure.  All we need is an open mind and a willing heart. 

Nothing But Sin and Bones

Orchids Galore! Ginter Botanical Gardens.  Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

Why would you allow strangers to take advantage of you?

Why be exploited by those who care nothing for you?

You don't want to end your life full of regrets,

nothing but sin and bones.

Proverbs 5:10-11 [The Message] 

I just about laughed myself silly when I read this passage this morning. Solomon is such a wonderful spiritual commentator, and Mr. Peterson is such a delightful translator of the ancient text into modern language. "You don't want to end your life full of regrets - nothing but sin and bones." Sin and bones, indeed!

On further reflection, however, I sobered up quickly when I thought of all of the people that I am currently aware of who have completely worked themselves into Regret's corner, with little or no room for maneuvering.

• Jerry Sandusky, who was foolish enough to shower naked with young boys for years - never understanding, apparently, the implications of that action alone.
• "Harry" - a friend of my youngest child, who decided to start carrying a gun. One altercation and many gunshots later, he is in prison for a long, long time.
• "Darius," another school chum, who went spoiling for a fight to his ex-girlfriend's house to demand to see his child. One gun and many shots later, she was dead (shot while holding the baby), her parents were dead, and then he was dead.
• The woman next door who spoiled her child rotten, and now has her daughter's refusal to face life [get a job, live without alcohol & drugs, etc.] tied around her neck like an albatross.
• George Zimmerman, who refused to just go home when the police told him to. One confrontation and several gunshots later, a young man is dead and Mr. Zimmerman is in a world of trouble.
• The 53-year-old pop star who can't figure out any other way to make an impact than to expose private portions of her body to public view - making herself a laughingstock in Europe

I could keep going, but that's not really necessary. Solomon cautions all of us to take a second look when someone wants to lead us down a side path, or make a decision that is not in our best interests. There are plenty of people out there who love to exploit others for their own gain. We can make the decision, however, to employ Wisdom and Understanding to every situation we find ourselves in. All we have to do is ask for them.

Watch Your Mouth!

Orchids Galore! Ginter Botanical Garden.  Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

Keep vigilant watch over your heart; that's where life starts.

Don't talk out of both sides of your mouth;

avoid careless banter, white lies and gossip.

Keep your eyes straight ahead, ignore all sideshow distractions.

Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth

before you.  Look neither right nor left;

leave evil in the dust.

Proverbs 4:23-27 [The Message] 

One of my children called the other day to "ask my advice," a phrase that strikes fear to my heart, because it is almost always a catch-22: either say what I think or keep my mouth shut!  Her question, however, was interesting.  Two of her very good friends told her that she had a perpetually negative attitude, always seemed to look for the negative in other people, and then wanted to talk about all those negative things - constantly.  Clearly mystified by the criticism, she asked me, "Mom, do I do that?"

She and I live in different cities, so I have no idea what she talks about on a daily basis, but I have heard her make derogatory comments about other people, and perhaps that is the basis of her friends' concern.  I asked her if it was possible that she talked negatively without even realizing she was doing it.  She gave that some thought and decided that it was certainly possible.  I told her that although I hope I don't look for the negative in other people, I certainly see things that I don't particularly like.  However, recognizing things I don't like and allowing that information to come out of my mouth are two entirely different things.

Occasionally someone comes along who really rubs me the wrong way.  My mind registers the fact that I don't like that person, and I do my best to stay out of their way so that I am not inundated with negative energy.  In that situation, I try really hard not to talk about how I feel.  Commiserating about another person's faults to one of my friends might make me feel better, or a little superior, perhaps, but it doesn't solve the problem of why they irritate me. If I give in to gossip, I will have the added worry that my friend might spread my unkind thoughts.  Far better, I told my daughter, to keep those negative thoughts to herself (put them in a private journal??), and concentrate on trying to see the good in those around you.   

Restless Evil

Orchids Galore, Ginter Botanical Garden.  Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

Evil people are restless unless they're making trouble;

they can't get a good night's sleep unless the

are making life miserable for somebody.

Perversity is their food and drink,

violence their drug of choice.

Proverbs 4:14-17 [The Message]

Last Saturday I went to the graduation party for one of our students at Beulah.  She was Salutatorian of her class, a wonderful girl, and the party was great fun.  This coming Sunday, I will be attending a graduation party for one of my private voice students.  She is also a wonderful girl and I am looking forward to attending her celebration.  What are the elements of a good party?  Food, for one - lots and lots of good food with plenty of desserts!!  Friends are also an important element for easy listening and great conversation.  People who attend these celebrations bring a good attitude, a smile on their face, a gift for the graduate, and a good appetite!  

Last Saturday night, at an apartment complex adjacent to Auburn University in Alabama, one of the guests brought something else to the pool party - a gun, concealed in his pocket. When the witch's brew of  males, females and booze ignited into a fight, the gun emerged from its hiding place to join the melee.  Six people were shot, leaving three men dead, one man critically wounded and fighting for his life, and two men who were treated at the hospital for lesser wounds.  One witness said, "The party went from us chillin' with all these females to a massacre for no reason at all.  It happened so quick - in about a second!"

The 22-year-old man wielding the gun has had two previous arrests for gun-related offenses, but has never been prosecuted for those charges.  Either he carries a gun with him at all times, or he specifically brought it to this party.  Either way, he was obviously able and willing to use it, and doing so cost three young men their lives.

I HATE to Say Goodbye

Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

I am, by nature, a rather emotional person - probably owing as much to my artistic temperament as anything.  I used to cry at the drop of a hat, but have gotten better about that over the years.  I still have a tendency to choke up, however, when it comes to saying Goodbye to someone.  Today, at work, I had to do it twice.

Our associate pastor and his wife, who I have known and loved for four years, are moving on to their next responsibility, where he will be the senior pastor of his own church.  I will really miss being able to pop into his office to chat (or grumble), but they are only moving four miles away (as the crow flies), so it is not as though I will never see them again.  It will give me incentive to be more diligent in remembering to call my friend to make a lunch date to see her.  I am thrilled that he is going to have his own church, so the goodbyes to them were not really tinged with sorrow, but filled with expectancy and joy.

The other parting was much more difficult, particularly for me.  My choir accompanist, whom we have employed since last September, is leaving to move back to Rochester, NY.  She had just finished her Master's Degree in Piano Performance from Eastman School of Music, and had only been in Richmond a few weeks when I received her name from a contact and immediately hired her.  Her significant other has just finished a one-year appointment at Virginia Commonwealth University, and his doctoral degree at Eastman. He has been appointed to the faculty at Eastman, and they are returning there on July 1. 

I had no idea what to expect on the day when I met her, but was thrilled to find a gracious, lovely girl with unbelievable music skills.  I am a very shy person, and it can be difficult for me to open up to a new person, particularly if they are aggressive or loud.  We clicked as director and accompanist from the very beginning, and it was with great joy that we made music together over the course of this last year.  It was very hard today to say "Goodbye," but I did so with this sure knowledge in my heart - that the God who brought her into my life has now pointed her in another direction.  He who guides the stars in their courses will be with her as she follows His lead, just as He will be with me as I search for someone to fill our vacancy.  Godspeed, Cara.  You take a bit of my heart, and my prayers for the next step in your journey.     

    

Don't Be a Bully!

Butterflies Alive!  Ginter Botanical Garden.  Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

Don't walk around with a chip on your shoulder

always spoiling for a fight.

Don't be like those who shoulder their way through life.

Why be a bully?

Proverbs 3:31-32a [The Message]

in-tim'i-da'-tion n.  to make afraid; to make timid; to daunt,

to force or deter with threats or violence; to cow

There are lots of ways to be a bully.  You can physically push people around, verbally abuse them, threaten them, or employ violence to get control of what you want.  After all, bullying is all about control - taking away another person's power of choice, intimidating them into submission to the will of the bully.

My children's father was a bully - using intimidation and threats to keep his children (and wife, for that matter) in line and under his control.  If he was "rough housing" with them and they asked him to stop, he just pushed harder.  No one in the family (other than him) had the right to say, "No."  In fact, trying to say "no" or "stop" just fanned the flames of his determination to exert total control.

The school bus stop for this neighborhood is right at the corner of my property.  Around 7am, the high school kids gather; an hour later, the middle school kids are out there, and about an hour after that, the elementary age children are waiting for their ride.  For the last two years, I have watched a middle school boy transform from an irritating mouthy pest to a full-fledged bully.  He hits, he slaps, he pushes, he hammerlocks - he does whatever he can get away with to intimidate those who are smaller than he is, all within the guise of "playing around."  For a while, I stood out in my yard within his sight-line and stared him down.  Then other parents began showing up with their children, and his chances for intimidation became far less frequent.  

My father used to say, "Everything begins with respect" - respect for myself and respect for the people around me. God gave each of us the power to choose our own way.  I have a hard enough time making sense of my own life without trying to take control of someone else's. 

We Are His Hands

Butterflies Alive! Ginter Botanical Gardens.  Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

Never walk away from someone who deserves help;

your hand is God's hand for that person.

Don't tell someone, "Maybe some other time,"

or "Try me tomorrow."

Proverbs 3:27-28  

Something happened in my life this week that reminded me yet again exactly who I need to be - for God and for others.  Last Sunday, a young lady in our congregation, who has been a member of my youth choir and youth handbell choir, walked up to me and gave me a ticket to her graduation.  In order to understand what a huge gesture this was, you need to know that around here, tickets to any graduation are worth their weight in gold - very difficult to come by.  This young woman gave me an unbelievable honor in asking that I attend her graduation.  I was astounded and deeply moved.

On my way home, however, the sniveling, complaining wuss side of me flooded my brain:  I HATE going to downtown Richmond; the traffic will be terrible; the ticket says you have to have a special parking pass sold only by the school in order to park next to the Siegle Center - that means I'll have to park clear down on Cary Street and hoof it for 7-8 blocks back up to Broad; I'll be hot and sweaty when I get there; the place will be a zoo and I hate crowds, she'll never know if I was there or not...  You get the picture: Poor little me.

In the midst of all that whining, God shone an idea of a different light:  You can take your camera and try to get some really cool pictures of her.  Her family doesn't have a camera like yours (few families do), and you can take your 55-250mm lens and get great shots from far away...  Suddenly I had a purpose, a responsibility, a gift that I could give to this family at their time of celebration.  Instead of focusing on me, I would focus on what I could do for her (and by extension, her family).  

I'm not about to sit here and spin you a fairytale about there being no traffic, or a close parking spot, or even a small crowd.  It was hot and sweaty, it was a long walk, there was really bad traffic (an accident on I-95), and it definitely was a zoo inside the Center.  But I was a woman on a mission, and I focused on my goal rather than on the hardships of reaching it.  I was able to capture several good shots of her graduation experience - photos that her family would not have if I had listened to my head instead of acting with my heart.

Never Judge a Book...

Orchids Galore! Ginter Botanical Garden.  Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

Never judge a book by its cover...

~Unknown 

This week on America's Got Talent, a young man quietly stood in line, the last contestant for the day in Austin, Texas.  He had long black hair, heavy black eye makeup, a spiked black leather wrist band - your "typical Goth."  Other than his outfit, there was nothing particularly remarkable about him except for his eyes - an eerie whitish blue that seemed almost transparent.  The host of the show, Nick Cannon, walked up to him and called him Criss Angel - a heavy metal type-casting that would continue when he stepped on stage. Cannon stayed for a moment, however, and learned that the young man, named Andrew, was there to audition as a singer, even though he had never sung in front of anyone in his entire life.  I was immediately struck by how well spoken and intelligent he was, but I'm sure most people don't go much past his appearance. 

Andrew walked on stage, where Howard Stern took one look at him and said, "Hard day at the office?"  It was supposed to be a joke, I am sure, but it fell flat and Stern quickly told the young man to begin.  When the music started, Sharon Osborne's head popped up and she stared at the young man, as Howie turned to stare at her.  Heavy metal music?  Rock and roll?  No, it was the introduction to a famous soprano aria from an Italian opera by Puccini.  When Andrew began to sing, Howard Stern threw up his hands in amazement.

Andrew is a counter-tenor - a male who naturally sings in either the alto or soprano range.  This young man is a soprano, and a glorious one.  People were crying in the audience and I was crying sitting on my sofa.  This was perhaps the last thing you would have expected to come from Andrew's mouth.  Here is a young man who experienced rejection after rejection growing up, identified with Marilyn Manson and Rob Zombie as a loner, learned of his unique voice while spending hours alone in his room, has had no formal voice training, and finally found the courage within himself to let his friends, his family, and the world see who he really is on the inside, as opposed to the outward appearance.

 

God's Wisdom vs. Your Wisdom

Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;

don't try to figure out everything on your own.

Listen for God's voice in everything you do,

everywhere you go;

He's the One who will keep you on track.

Don't assume that you know it all.

Proverbs 3:5-7 [The Message]

It is amazing how much of life I think I have figured out all by myself.  I credit myself with being fairly intelligent, and as a woman, I'm a bit feisty about independence.  No, I don't need your help - I have it handled quite nicely, thank you very much.  Unfortunately, it is often me, myself, and I that gets consulted when faced with one of life's conundrums, and I only call on God if I can't figure it out myself, or my way goes the wrong way.  How much better just to let God in on the problem at the beginning (as if He doesn't already know - duh!), and request His guidance as I work through the puzzle.  I know that I don't know it all, but sometimes you might not know that I recognize that.

There is a verse in the Bible that says, "There is a way that seems right to a (wo)man, but the end thereof is the way of death."  I really do try and keep that thought in mind.  My vision often tunnels down to fixate on the goal, and I pay no attention to the obstacles that will surely be in my way, or the fact that I might be going totally the wrong way in the first place.  Time and trial has taught me that asking for God's guidance at the beginning and then listening and watching for Him to reveal His hand is a far better course of action than me barreling off on my own. 

  

The Path of Evil

Copyright 2012: singeronthesand

Good Sense will scout ahead for danger,

Insight will keep an eye out for you.

They'll keep you from making wrong turns,

or following bad directions of those who are lost themselves,

and can't tell a trail from a tumbleweed;

these losers who make a game of evil

and throw parties to celebrate perversity.

Proverbs 2:12-15

There once was a porn star who delighted in torturing and killing kittens.  He suffocated or strangled them, often videotaping his grisly deeds and then posting them on the Internet.  He would also use the kitten carcasses for acts of sexual perversion--videotaped as well.  Unfortunately, as often happens when one wholeheartedly embraces evil, killing animals did not provide enough of a thrill.  On May 26 or 27, he killed a Concordia University student from China, dismembered the body, and sent a hand here or a foot there to various political entities in Canada.  Having videotaped the entire process from death to dismemberment, he posted that video online as well, then fled the country.

It is difficult to understand that depth of depravity.  The killing of an innocent animal is a horrendous act.  The killing of a fellow human being is beyond the pale.  How does one become so deranged at only 29 years of age:  by embracing small steps of evil that do not "seem so bad," at the time, eventually graduating to greater and greater atrocities, until one's conscience is completely seared by the seduction of wickedness (an old-fashioned word, but an ever-present reality in modern society).

The videotape of the killing and the discovery of the body parts sparked an international manhunt that ended yesterday in a Berlin cyber-cafe.  German authorities will charge him today with a multitude of crimes, including capital murder, Canada will file for extradition, and the long process of bringing this man to justice will commence.  Justice might bring a measure of peace to the victim's family, but it will not bring back his life.  Some effects of evil can never be rectified.